Barkerville, Williams Creek, Cariboo CHARLES AUGUSTUS SIMMONS ON KONFEDERASHUN
OTTAWAE, KANADY,
Feb. the Oneth, in the year A.D. 1871
Mr. ULYSIES S. GRANT, ESQ., President of the United States, Boss and Chief
Cook of the Iland of San Dominoingo, Kyng of the Kanible Ilands, cetry,
cetry.
May it pleeseth ure Ulysus-ship, -
I, Charles Augustus Simmons and brother,
& our wifes, the people of Kanaday, in parleyment gathered together
(& agreeing together, which am a rare kermodity in family cerkles) not
being of sound mind, but perfekly krasie, and not havin the feer of stars
& stripes b4 our ise, du in our wisdum ofur this peteshuhn fur the konglomorisashun
of awl Ameriky, and 2 plaice it under the soul guvernment ov that burd of
pray kalled by geologists the Amerikan Egal. Now kno ye, Mr. Ulysus S. G.,
that the terms that r tu travil hereafter, by & by right orf in this
eer dokyment shall be the striking and lasted terums ov our kontrk with
u. Fur the konsiderashuns aforesade and sundrie uthers that am not saide
and never will be saide, we will give tu u and ure airs, in-tails or hed
and tale of both as you wishest, that parte of the grate kurrent kalled
Niagarey Fawles, lieing, being, running and never stopping on the Kanaday
cide, on the express kondishun that u r tu remove saide waterspout to Kovington,
Kentuck, whare it kan b used 2 advantig in inmblin the wheels of ole Mr.
Grant's Tannerie.
We will give u & ure saide aires the
grate Ralewae & awl the "Grand Trunks" satchels and boxes
u kan diskiver tharabout, kontaneing any valuables, but I kind of karkuleit
they r mitey skeerse just now. We will give u the grate Welland Kanawl,
so that you kan slide ure skows threw that kreek free of taxus. Mr. Ulysus
S. G., just luke at the grate men ov Kanady. Luke at Sur Francis Hinckse,
and the leetle freenshuman Sur George e. Kartier, who always kalls in "de
members." Luke at Sur John Yung, who is Kapting Generul of the Stait.
Just luke at me and so furth. Raw knot a people wurthie of ure konshiderashun.
I think we am, if we nose it. Mr. Ulysus S. G., I like ure stile bullie,
and I will bunk in with u on short notis. I kan skare up enuff political
rats in the Dominion to fill all the fat orifices in Ameriky. Giv my respeks
to Mrs. Ulysus and the leetle Ulysusses in the White House, & as usuallie
alwayse I will sling miself as
Troolie ures,
CHAS. AUGUSTUS SIMMONS
P.S. - Please hist me ure profile just as u am & I will hist u mine
jest as I are. - [Saginaw Valley Democrat.]
